On most dating apps there’s no category for “weird things you won’t know about me until you enter my bedroom.” You gotta dive in head first to really get a feel for things. From the bookshelf to the medicine cabinet to the pantry, your date’s belongings can reveal a lot about them. But one item often overlooked is their pillow.
In the spirit of love and comfort (which you deserve), here are five types of pillows to be on the lookout for when you’re dating someone new:
You know the kind. The pillow that is basically the equivalent to someone’s baby blanket, that they just keep around “for good measure.” You’ll usually find them placed shamelessly atop a stack of pillows or buried underneath so no one can see. They’re flat, worn, and look like they may or may not have been run over by a steamroller (of time and truth).
Tip: Be wary of their attachment style. They might not be ready to grow up yet.
Is that an orthopedic pillow or are you just happy to see me? These stand out right away with their highly “erect” nature. They don’t really fit in (ever) with the ambiance of the bedding, and usually don’t fit standard-sized pillowcases, but you find yourself with nothing but compassion and recognition because you, too, either have or have been looking to invest in one yourself.
Tip: Dive in if you’re ready for the real thing. This person is definitely looking for something serious, where they can just be themselves and talk about growing old.
You’re digging. You’re hunting. All you’re finding are unsleepable and indescribable. You don’t want to drool on something this nicely embroidered. Where are the real pillows? Does your date go to the flea market every weekend to pick up a new hand-knit bolster pillow made by a seamstress named Lorraine? Is that where your next date is going to take place?
Tip: Take it slow with these types. Stick to the couch or go back to your place the first few times. You don’t want to have to be making that bed every morning.
This person is looking for just the right pillow—so much so that they basically have every kind of sleeping pillow for every need they have during every cycle of their REM. Small, medium, large!
Tip: Don’t worry if you stop receiving texts from this one. Sounds like they’re pretty fickle! Might want to have some other dates lined up while you wait.
Did they buy this pillow for this date? Every so often you encounter a setup that feels right out of the storeroom. And while the perfect puff does indicate that your date has means, it can also give off some real American Psycho vibes.
Tip: Looks like you’ve just found yourself a perfectionist. If you’re a bit of a slob, you might want to look elsewhere, but if you’re into clean, organized spaces and finicky details, you may have just found the one!
Whichever way you swing or sleep, comfort is always key (dating or otherwise). Just in case you find yourself being evaluated for your pillows on a date, check out Casper’s Original, Foam, and Down pillows.